Monday, February 20, 2012

I Want To Get Back With My Ex Boyfriend - 3 Things That You Should Do

When you feel as though you really want to be able to get back with an ex boyfriend, it's probably going to be hard for you not to act on impulse and try to do anything that you can right now to make him want you back. You do want to be careful because there are so many mistakes that you can make that you can't take back once they are done. However, that does not necessarily mean that you shouldn't try to get back with your ex boyfriend, it just means that you need to take caution in what you do.

These are three things that you should do if you want to get back with your ex boyfriend:

1) You should be absolutely certain that you do want to be back with him in a relationship.

If you do all of the right things, then you are probably going to be able to win him back. While that may seem like the way that you want it to be, you have to really think about it. If there were things that he did that you really did not like, then you have to consider the fact that he may go right back to doing those things. Just realize that even if you do win him back, not all of the problems that you had with him are going to be gone, they are still going to be there for you to deal with.

2) You should also make sure that you are not trying to win him back just because you are lonely.

Quite often, a woman will find herself wanting to be back with her ex boyfriend when she feels lonely and although that may make it seem like the right thing to do is to get back with him, it may not be. It's a much better sign when you don't feel lonely and you still want to be back with him, because it means that you really want him for him and not because you need someone to take away that lonely feeling.

3) You should be well aware of whether or not he is seeing someone else right now.

You might be able to win him back even if he is dating someone else right now, but you may not. He may be happy with his new girlfriend and that may be something that you can't change. So, before you waste a lot of time and effort - try and find out where he is right now as far as his dating status.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

How to Get Your Ex Back in 5 Quick Steps

Nearly everyone has been through a breakup. Not many people are able to handle a break up very well, know what to do, or are even able to function well for some time after.

The best thing to do is to stay away from your ex. Until your emotions have leveled off, it is a bad idea to involve yourself with your ex or anyone or anything closely tied to them. Also be sure you do not indulge too much at the bar; you may feel down, wanting to forget, try to have some fun out with friends for the night. Just remember not to get too carried away. Excessive, habitual drinking will likely only add more problems and make it more difficult to work through the existing turmoil in your head.

Putting distance between you and your ex for a while gives you both some breathing room. A chance to focus on yourselves, what matters, what you want out of life, and reflect on your past relationship.

Relationships end for many different reasons. Sometimes one person wants to push the relationship to the next level, and it may be too soon for the other person. Other times someone cheats. Often when people get into a relationship at a young age, they find that they are not really all that compatible after all - or they have simply grown and evolved in different directions.

The best relationships are where two people are in sync with one another, supportive of each other, understanding each others' views, and mostly free of excess friction. Stresses of life can make you do or say things that you might not have otherwise done or said. Something as simple as changing jobs, careers, lifestyle, or your social circle can greatly alter the dynamics of your relationship.

When you look back on your past relationship, what do you think caused your breakup? You should have a pretty good idea, especially if you were invested enough in your relationship to want to get your ex back now.

One of the causes for a breakup is a lack of connection, trust and respect. These go hand-in-hand with communication. When any of these areas suffer, your relationship suffers. Did anything happen in your relationship to weaken the trust or reduce communication between the two of you?

5 Quick Steps to Get Your Ex Back

1) Allow yourself to grieve. Going through a breakup is a loss, and loss causes grief. Grieving is a process. If you have not embraced and dealt with your feelings, you are a ticking time bomb around your ex.

2) Evaluate your relationship. Are the two of you a good couple? Are you heading in the same direction in life?

3) Identify where things went wrong in your relationship. Are there any reasonable changes that could be made?

4) Meet up with your ex to break the ice. Nothing too serious, just a friendly cup of coffee and some small talk.

5) See if your ex gives you any signs that they might want to get back together.

Of course the process is somewhat more complicated, but that is the general idea. When you are nearing the end of the reconciliation process, you may find that you are not really interested in getting back together with your ex after all. That is OK - you have closure, and you are better equipped to deal with future relationships.

Monday, February 13, 2012

3 Immediate Things to Do to Win Your Girlfriend Back After a Breakup

Breakup fog.

Everyone suffers from it after a breakup. You can't think. You struggle to form coherent sentences. Even simple tasks, like brushing your teeth, seem impossible.

"What went wrong?" you wonder. "How did this happen? Why doesn't she love me anymore?"

"How do I win my girlfriend back?"

That last question is an important one because it's all about your future actions, not about what happened in the past.

And if you really want your girlfriend back, then you need to snap out of your breakup fog ASAP.

You need to act, and act decisively, from the very first moments of the breakup, to prepare for the possibility of getting back together.

Note the word possibility. Getting back together with your ex is not going to be easy, nor is it guaranteed, but if you follow these five steps, you'll open the door to reconciliation.

1. Accept the breakup with dignity

"But Mom... I really want ice cream for dinner! Wanna, wanna, wanna! Why won't you let me have it? Why?!"

Think about a kid begging and pleading for something sweet to eat. Kind of annoying, right?

In fact, all that whining makes it less likely that the kid will get what he wants.

Well, keep that image of the kid in mind after your breakup. Begging and pleading never works. In fact, it just annoys and turns off the other person.

When your girlfriend initiates the breakup, the natural thing you want to do is beg for her to stay. But that will only going to drive her away.

She's already decided to break up with you. And it was not a callous or impetuous decision. She likely struggled with the decision and wavered about her feelings. The breakup is something she thought a lot about, and believes is the right choice.

So, you need to agree with her.

Yes, it feels wrong. But you need to affirm her decision, or she'll feel like you're dismissing her feelings.

And if you agree with her, you are on her side vs. her opposition. You won't be her "enemy" in the breakup.

You can't move toward reconciliation if you become your ex-girlfriend's enemy.

2. Begin "No Contact"

Again, this will be completely contradictory to what you naturally want to do.

After your breakup, you'll want to call, text, email, or chat with your ex-girlfriend. After all, you used to talk every day! You can't imagine not speaking to her. And you just want to see how she's doing.

Don't.

Put down the phone. Stop typing that message. Delete that email draft.

After you've accepted your ex-girlfriend's decision to break up, that means you need to respect it. She wanted out of the relationship, and all that calling, texting, emailing... that was part of your relationship.

"But how will we ever get back together if we don't talk?" you ask.

You must wait for her to reach out to you.

It will be hard. In fact, this will be the hardest step in the road to reconciliation. And you'll often wonder...
"What if she never contacts me?"

She will, at some point - if you left with the relationship with dignity, you give her space, and you...

3. Move on with your life

Yeah, we know what you're thinking: "If I move on, we'll never get back together!" and "How will I keep our relationship going if I'm trying to move on?"

Think about that last question you're asking yourself. "How will I keep our relationship going... "

Your relationship is over. She's no longer part of it. And you can't keep it going by yourself.

When we talk about reconciliation, we're talking about a new relationship. Your previous relationship with your ex is over. It can be resuscitated.

But you can start a new relationship with her.

To do that, however strange it feels, you need to move on and build a life without her.

Think about before you began your old relationship. You had your own life - friends, activities, interests. And she had hers.

You met, were attracted to each other, began dating.

Think of your relationship as a wall. The old paint color chipped off and became dull. You want to repaint with a new color, but first... you must prime.

So, rebuild your own life. Reconnect with your friends, if you've lost touch with them. Make some new friends, too, especially if most of the people you know are mutual friends with your ex.

Renew your activities and interests... and find some new ones!

You need to "prime" your life before you are ready to paint again.

The Natural Thing

These three steps probably seem like the opposite of what you want to do.

But let's use a medical analogy. If someone gets stabbed with a knife, it seems natural to take it out and staunch the wound. In fact, you should leave the knife in and take the victim to get medical care.

After your girlfriend breaks up with you, it may seem natural to beg her to stay, constantly text her, and sink into a black hole of loneliness.

That's how you show her how much you love her, right?

No, if you truly want her back, fight those first inclinations. By staying on her side, respecting her feelings, and priming yourself for a new relationship, you are giving yourself the best possible chance to win her again.

Friday, February 10, 2012

4 Steps to Make Her Love You Again After A Break Up

Have you recently heard your girlfriend mutter these three words?

'I need space' or even worse, the dreaded 'I don't love you anymore'. It can seem like the end of the world can't it? And for some reason our natural instincts tell us to do exactly the opposite.

"Let's just talk about it."

"Why don't I come over later?"

"Just give me five minutes."

The only thing worse than blurting out one of the above sentences, is to turn up, unexpected, out of the blue. For some reason, men seem to think that when a girl needs space, that means to surprise her after work, or as she is getting off the train on her way home, usually armed with flowers and a four-page love letter (front and back).

Unfortunately as good as your intentions are, all this does push her further and further away.

To make matters worse, this rather 'too nice' approach is often rapidly followed by bitterness and anger, and before you know it, you've lost all hope.

If you haven't yet made these mistakes, then;

STOP!

BREATHE!

If you want to win your ex girlfriend back, the first thing you have to do when you hear these words, 'I need space' or 'I don't love you anymore', is to listen. And by listen, I don't mean hear the words and jump into action, but rather listen to them, take them in, let them settle, and accept what they really mean.

The reality is simple, and it is by no means the end of the world, or indeed the relationship. In many ways it is nothing more than a test, and can often come at a point in a relationship when things are close to progressing to that next stage.

When men have problems, generally in life, you tend to put your heads down, get on with things, and hope that the issues go away. Women, however, are a lot better at acting on emotions, and thus sometimes, once men step back, you may actually understand that perhaps space isn't such a bad thing after all.

Space tends to be a woman's way of reasserting exactly how she feels. Men can be a lot more possessive by nature, and sometimes the idea of spending time apart from your girlfriend, even when clearly it is beneficial, can be a hard pill to swallow. It is, however, often extremely healthy, and also a great opportunity to prove not only your love, but your trust, faith, strength, and ability to adapt to your partner's needs.

Step 1 - True Acceptance Of The Reality

Now step 1 and step 2 really go hand in hand, and one shouldn't exist without the other. Acceptance is great, but prepare for the vicious wrath of your girlfriend if acceptance is the only thing. Believe me, the last thing a girl wants to hear when she asks for some space is 'okay then, see you later'. It has to be backed up by Step 2, 'Honesty'.

Step 2 - What She Needs to Hear vs What You Want to Say

As clich├ęd as it may sound, there is really no better ingredient for a healthy separation period. After showing you're happy to respect your girlfriend's wishes, it is now time to dig deep, and tell her truthfully how you feel.

But what do you say?

It is important to be balanced and calm, and not desperate and emotional. Of course it is okay to show some emotions, she would expect that, but no clinging on to her heels as she leaves the door. As mentioned above, first you need to accept her wishes. Tell her that you understand that she needs some space, and that you are willing to support her. Then, and this the tricky bit, you need to open up.

This is where you have to be strong. You have to be positive. Don't talk about your love as if it has now been crushed, or you are losing your grip on it. Speak about it as if it is entering a new and exciting stage. Be calm and measured, and don't be self-deprecating. She doesn't want to know that 'it's okay, I can change!' If you want to win your ex back, just show her that you care, and that you will always respect her needs, even when it means doing something that you don't necessarily want. Show her that you love her, and not that you need her.

Step 3 - Space vs Ignoring Her Completely

It is also important to make yourself available to your girlfriend. There is a big difference between giving space and abandoning her completely. Be prepared to be treated either like a friend or ignored completely. That doesn't mean you should ignore her back. It just means that there's a fine balance between not being needy guy who jumps whenever she calls and the guy who doesn't answer her calls or messages... ever.

Most likely you'll want to be the guy who answers her calls and waits "patiently" for her to miss you bad enough that she comes back. But be warned. The only way she is going to do that is if she misses you. To miss you, she needs space. Therefore, it's best to be on the receiving end of any communication... at least in the beginning. Don't appear too eager to reconnect unless she gives you that sign first.

Step 4 - Don't Just Wallow In Your Own Misery

From my experience, men often respond to this sort of rejection by staying at home, and shutting the rest of the world out. I think often it is scary for men to try to have fun without their partner. What if suddenly you stop missing her? What if it is more fun without her? These are questions that most men would rather not face up to, but this space is yours too.

You need to give yourself the chance to gain a new perspective on your relationship, and learn about what you really want. Don't be afraid to have some doubts, it is natural, but don't run from them. If you start to question your relationship, then really think deeply about it, and what it means to you.

It is a good time to take up that course you have always wanted, or that hobby that you have put aside. Your girl will be a lot more impressed if you are doing something constructive with your time, rather than simply using the freedom to rebel.

Don't be controlled by fear.

I am all too aware of how difficult this period can be for any guy, but it is important to not be controlled by fear. Instead allow the love that you feel to give you strength. If your ex girlfriend appears to be irrational during this period, accept it, don't question it.

Remember, despite the fact that she chose to have the space, it doesn't mean that it is not also difficult for her. Be supportive to her when she is struggling, and be prepared to receive mixed signals. The important thing is to stay strong.

If you believe in the relationship enough, then this period of space can be the best thing that will happened to you. Remember not to fear what might happen, but rather to stay focused on what you want to happen. It may not be an easy ride, and if at times you slip, and drop her a text or dial her number, don't worry. It is only natural. Don't be too hard on yourself, there is no perfect way to cope with this situation.

The important thing is to always bring yourself back to that calm place. Don't allow your emotions to run away with you and for one mistake to snowball into a catastrophe. Take a deep breath, and forgive yourself. Yoga, meditation, and exercise can also help with this. This is the perfect opportunity to develop your emotional balance.

Finally, don't give up. If you really want to win back your ex, be prepared to play the long game. Don't wait forever, or put your life on hold, but rather accept that the love is still there. Don't worry about pride, or what your friends are saying, simply trust yourself, and regardless of the outcome, you will be ok.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

The No Contact Rule - How It Can Help Get An Ex Back

Are you suffering because your ex has ended your relationship? Do you feel like they were the love of your life and that you can not live without them? Just after a breakup people, men especially, tend to beg their ex for forgiveness and a second chance promising to change. This is possibly the worst thing you can do. The secret to getting her back is to play it cool and use the no contact rule correctly, which is exactly what I will be explaining how to do in this article.

It seems counter intuitive in the beginning to cut contact with your ex and play it cool. You may think that by constantly calling her and trying to show her how much you love her and miss her and how committed you are to her will work but you would be wrong! These things come off as false, manipulative, insecure and needy. They will completely ruin your chances of getting your ex back.

Let me explain the fundamentals of the No Contact Rule and how it works.

I recommend going 30 days of no contact. This means no facebook, stalking, no calls, texts, emails... there should be zero communication. You need to believe this method will work! Don't get to Day 3 and think "Well I haven't called her for 3 days now and she hasn't called me once. I need to call her to make sure she is ok." Chances are she will contact with you before the 30 days are up. Trust the system!

You were a big part of your ex girlfriend's life. She probably loved you! When you disappear off her radar she is going to be slightly confused and thinking where are you, what are you doing, why is he not calling me and she will start to miss you. Contrast this with "OMG he just sent me another text. I wish he would just leave me alone." The more she thinks about you the better.

Women are drawn to mystery like a moth to a flame. When you drop off her radar she will want to know why. What is making you so busy that you can't communicate with her. Has he got a new girl? I wonder what he's doing. Does he miss me?

If she starts thinking about whether or not you have a new girl she will start getting jealous. She may even contact you because she fears losing you. She may even call you and be angry at you for not calling her. I've experience this before when I was in a relationship, on occasion, I was very busy and didn't call her. She would assume the worst and angrily call me to 'talk' but it was just to put her own mind at ease.

A really powerful reason why you should not contact your ex during these 30 days is because your emotions are probably all over the shop. You don't want to say something stupid just because your emotions are currently out of whack. One false move or phrase produced by being emotionally needy could cost you this relationship for good.

Use the 30 days to focus on yourself. Figure out whether your really believe she is the one or if you just want her back to help heal your wounded ego. Also use this time to pursue passions, hobbies, interests and hang out with some friends and have a great time enjoying your freedom.

If at the end of 30 days you do want her back then you should get yourself a plan. This should cover everything from what you should initially say and how to say it to rekindling the flame and having sex again.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Should You Say You're Sorry To Your Ex Girlfriend?

Let's assume that you want to be able to reconnect with an ex girlfriend and that you probably made some mistakes when you were dating her. You know that you are going to have to make some amends for that if you are going to really have any chance of being able to patch things up, so you feel like you should definitely say you are sorry to her. I would agree with that - however, there is something that you should think about before you do.

You know that you messed up and wanting to apologize to your ex girlfriend is a good thing. However, one of the mistakes that guys make when they are in a situation like that is, they go too far with it. Meaning, they just tell her that they are sorry over and over again. I don't know if you have ever heard someone apologize to you like that, but if you had, you would know that it gets kind of weird after a while.

It's good to apologize to her, but you definitely don't want to go so far that all you are doing is making apologies. That's not going to really help you to win her back.

Another thing that you need to think about is whether or not this is going to be a one sided thing. Here is what I mean by that: Usually in a relationship that comes apart, it's both people who make mistakes. It's usually not just one person. So, while you may be feeling guilty and feeling like you have to say you are sorry, you may want to think about whether or not she made mistakes when she was with you.

A relationship where both people say they are sorry and own up to their mistakes is a lot more likely to succeed than one where it is just one person who is admitting guilt and seeking forgiveness. That is something that a lot of men who are trying to patch things up with an ex girlfriend seem to forget about. And unless she is going to own up to some of the things that she may have done wrong, you might not have that good of a chance of being able to work things out for the long term. You may be able to win her back, but that does not mean that it will last. That's something that you may want to think about before you go and tell your ex girlfriend that you are sorry.