Sunday, April 15, 2012

How to Win Your Ex Boyfriend Back Fast and Keep Him Forever

If you have just gone through a breakup, then you are probably feeling a bit lost at the moment. You are probably also wondering how you can win your ex boyfriend back fast.

What you need to realize right now, though, is that learning how to win your ex boyfriend back as soon as possible isn't necessarily a good thing. See, since you are thinking about getting him back right away, you might end up doing stupid things, like calling and texting him constantly. This definitely wouldn't be the best way to go about things since this will most probably just scare your ex boyfriend away even more.

Believe it or not, the faster way to win your ex boyfriend back would be to avoid contacting him altogether right after your breakup. This would actually be vital since you are generally too emotional to say the right things right now. In fact, you will probably just end up pleading and begging for him to take you back. So, instead of trying to learn how to win your ex boyfriend back fast, you should just take your time doing so.

For starters, try avoiding contact with your ex for an entire month. This will give you sufficient time to let the heat of the breakup cool down and let you recover from the pain that the breakup may have caused to the both of you. Since time tends to heal all wounds, you should be able to get back on your feet eventually, no matter how much pain you are currently going through.

There is another reason why you should avoid contacting him for a month: you need time to analyze your breakup, so you can resolve your problems later on. Think about why you guys broke up to begin with and then find out how you can change things and make things better the next time around.

You may have broken up in frustration due to the frequent miscommunications and misunderstandings that you experienced during your relationship. This doesn't mean that you no longer love each other, though. Maybe your ex simply needs some time away for now.

Once you think things through and understand what might be going through your ex's mind, you shouldn't have any trouble learning how to win your ex boyfriend back and keep him by your side forever. Just make sure you make the necessary changes and actually work hard to keep your relationship intact this time around.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Resolving Conflict Is No Fairy Tale

Imagine John is in a relationship with Mary and John thinks she is quite contrary about how her garden grows. She wants silver bells and cockleshells and pretty maids all in a row. John knows that gardens contain carrots and tomatoes.

In reality, as in every conflict, John and Mary simply have different points of view and points of view are always open to change (want proof? Move two feet to the right of where you're currently located and you'll have a different point of view).

But, as in every conflict that lasts more than a few minutes, one person (we'll focus on John although it could be Mary) is certain he has the truth, not simply a point of view (in a conflict, thinking you have the truth won't set you free. It will cause the other person to dig in her heels).

To confirm that he has the truth, John gossips about Mary with his neighbor and, because John is a credible source, she agrees that Mary is contrary.

A brief digression: What we call "the truth" is, in many instances, just a belief we've accepted because we've trusted the source we got it from. When enough people agree with the source, we call that "the truth."

For example, few people believed that John Edwards was having an affair when the National Enquirer broke the story. But when the New York Times confirmed it, it became a "fact" because the New York Times is, for most people, a credible source. Depending on the credibility we attach to our sources, we do/do not believe in global warming, do/do not believe in evolution and do/do not believe that Elvis is really dead.

This is why gossip can be destructive. If the gossiper is credible to the people hearing the gossip, the gossip becomes the truth whether it is or not and could be harmful to the person being gossiped about.

Now back to our story: John tells Mary he knows he's right because his neighbor agrees with him and, as "everyone" knows, because it's "the truth," gardens do not contain silver bells and cockle shells.

Both John and Mary can get what they want. How about a garden of carrots and a garden of silver bells? How about a row of tomatoes and a row of cockle shells? But, if John is certain he has the truth, which he is sure he does, he will never see these options.

Perhaps, John thinks, it's not worth the hassle of being in a relationship with Mary. Perhaps they should break up. John certainly can't be friends with Mary because, if Mary really cared about him, Mary wouldn't be so contrary. How could John have been so wrong to think Mary might be someone to spend the rest of his life with?

Far fetched? Change Mary and her garden to anyone you think is difficult to get along with: Joe in the next cubicle, your boss in the next office, a relative or friend you're no longer speaking to or any relationship where you're sure you have "the truth."

Outside the world of fairy tales, people aren't being contrary. They simply have desires that conflict with ours. We can get our desires fulfilled if we will:

1. Talk to one another not about one another,
2. Know that what we call "the truth" is a point of view,
3. Be open to different points of view and
4. Seek solutions that take into account our desires and theirs. The word "but" perpetuates the conflict. The word "and" offers the possibility of win-win solutions.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Dealing With the Relationship Trap

Once in our lifetime we've all found ourselves trapped in no-good relationships. Taken for granted, infidelity, financial burdens, emotionally drained - you get the picture. Interestingly, any such 'relationship saving' articles are automatically perceived as girlfriend-boyfriend hassles. Try going beyond the ordinary. Better still; take a good look around you.

In general, people suffering relationship woes are:

• Parent-Children
• Brother-Sister
• Husband-Wife
• Other Woman-Man
• Boss-Junior

Often, we find ourselves at the receiving end for no good reason. Maybe it's just bad karma. At least, that's how we reason it out. Consider these pointers before you get into the crying mode:

• Have you been ignoring the signs?
• Did you walk in the relationship thinking it will improve?
• Have you been too adjusting?
• Are you too dependent?
• Are there society demands?

If you answered 'yes' to most of the questions, then chances are you need to balance out that particular segment of your life. Take a deep breath and try to follow some of the points mentioned below. It's OK if you can't do everything - you are the kind of person you are. No point in being too hard on yourself. Here goes:

1. Learn to ask - If you need money, say so. If you want more time, talk to him. If your needs are being ignored, tell her.

2. Don't withdraw in a shell - Make extra effort to talk to people, even if you don't feel like seeing anybody. If there are people who mock you, maintain your distance. But remember, for every 4 people who tease you, there might be 2 who understand you and are probably in the same situation. Reach out is the keyword here.

3. Be wise about finance - Somehow the root cause almost always happens to be money. Any brother-sister brawl or husband-wife quarrel or even other woman-man fights will ultimately lead to the topic of money. Realize this first.

4. Keep a job handy - This one is especially for women. For women, a job takes on the role of boosting self-respect, developing confidence, ticket to freedom etc. In fact, having a job proves helpful in the long run.

5. Develop a habit to unwind - Reading, cooking, dancing, singing, painting, sketching, scribbling - anything that expresses you.

6. Read books on spirituality - Surprisingly spirituality helps us to overcome grief and losses. It works.

7. He/she will dump responsibility of relationship on you. Be prepared. - This will eventually come as an answer to the first point of asking for what you need. Don't expect a positive reply. What you might get could be - "Are you telling me I cheated you into making dumb mistakes?" "I was careful. Why couldn't you be careful too?" "You always knew this would happen. Why are you blaming me now?" Be prepared to handle this.

8. Secret bank account - It's not sneaky. It's called being smart. You are going to be asked about your bank account. Better have some cash stacked away for rainy days. Bank balance, FD, whatever; don't tell him or her. You'll be glad you saved.

9. Passwords of email, Facebook, e-banking etc - "Don't you trust me?" When your husband asks you this question, you know you are doomed. There's always something that you don't want to share. Privacy is another issue here. So what do you do? Making another email or talking to him is the choice that you have. But when the relationship gets sour, make sure you change the password.

10. Eat healthy - Emotionally draining relationships take their toll on your health. You'll either put on weight or lose too much weight; dark circles; lethargy etc are common problems. Remember to eat something healthy everyday. Your good health checklist should run on these essentials - nuts, milk, fruit, green tea, eggs, cheese, whole wheat flour, lemon and honey.

11. Try to see other guys - Married, girlfriend or other woman. Meet other guys. Don't depend on just one person. Same holds true for guys too. See other gals. Don't turn a cheat to get back on an infidel though. People who share your views can help erase a bit of frustration that creeps in an unhealthy relationship.

12. Develop a skill other than job - Unfortunately, at a certain age or point, jobs don't come easy. In such a case, developing career-oriented skills can be of help.

13. Don't discuss work or politics or religion in front of others. You will be humiliated - There's no rational explanation but when a relationship turns bitter, your intelligence, talent and opinion is ridiculed and often before others. Speak carefully in front of a group. Don't be a target of ridicule and don't explode emotionally when confronted with such a situation. Try to smile or answer rationally or ensure that he/she knows that you are ignoring the other person.

14. Let go - Don't hold on too tightly. Allow space.