Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Dealing With the Relationship Trap

Once in our lifetime we've all found ourselves trapped in no-good relationships. Taken for granted, infidelity, financial burdens, emotionally drained - you get the picture. Interestingly, any such 'relationship saving' articles are automatically perceived as girlfriend-boyfriend hassles. Try going beyond the ordinary. Better still; take a good look around you.

In general, people suffering relationship woes are:

• Parent-Children
• Brother-Sister
• Husband-Wife
• Other Woman-Man
• Boss-Junior

Often, we find ourselves at the receiving end for no good reason. Maybe it's just bad karma. At least, that's how we reason it out. Consider these pointers before you get into the crying mode:

• Have you been ignoring the signs?
• Did you walk in the relationship thinking it will improve?
• Have you been too adjusting?
• Are you too dependent?
• Are there society demands?

If you answered 'yes' to most of the questions, then chances are you need to balance out that particular segment of your life. Take a deep breath and try to follow some of the points mentioned below. It's OK if you can't do everything - you are the kind of person you are. No point in being too hard on yourself. Here goes:

1. Learn to ask - If you need money, say so. If you want more time, talk to him. If your needs are being ignored, tell her.

2. Don't withdraw in a shell - Make extra effort to talk to people, even if you don't feel like seeing anybody. If there are people who mock you, maintain your distance. But remember, for every 4 people who tease you, there might be 2 who understand you and are probably in the same situation. Reach out is the keyword here.

3. Be wise about finance - Somehow the root cause almost always happens to be money. Any brother-sister brawl or husband-wife quarrel or even other woman-man fights will ultimately lead to the topic of money. Realize this first.

4. Keep a job handy - This one is especially for women. For women, a job takes on the role of boosting self-respect, developing confidence, ticket to freedom etc. In fact, having a job proves helpful in the long run.

5. Develop a habit to unwind - Reading, cooking, dancing, singing, painting, sketching, scribbling - anything that expresses you.

6. Read books on spirituality - Surprisingly spirituality helps us to overcome grief and losses. It works.

7. He/she will dump responsibility of relationship on you. Be prepared. - This will eventually come as an answer to the first point of asking for what you need. Don't expect a positive reply. What you might get could be - "Are you telling me I cheated you into making dumb mistakes?" "I was careful. Why couldn't you be careful too?" "You always knew this would happen. Why are you blaming me now?" Be prepared to handle this.

8. Secret bank account - It's not sneaky. It's called being smart. You are going to be asked about your bank account. Better have some cash stacked away for rainy days. Bank balance, FD, whatever; don't tell him or her. You'll be glad you saved.

9. Passwords of email, Facebook, e-banking etc - "Don't you trust me?" When your husband asks you this question, you know you are doomed. There's always something that you don't want to share. Privacy is another issue here. So what do you do? Making another email or talking to him is the choice that you have. But when the relationship gets sour, make sure you change the password.

10. Eat healthy - Emotionally draining relationships take their toll on your health. You'll either put on weight or lose too much weight; dark circles; lethargy etc are common problems. Remember to eat something healthy everyday. Your good health checklist should run on these essentials - nuts, milk, fruit, green tea, eggs, cheese, whole wheat flour, lemon and honey.

11. Try to see other guys - Married, girlfriend or other woman. Meet other guys. Don't depend on just one person. Same holds true for guys too. See other gals. Don't turn a cheat to get back on an infidel though. People who share your views can help erase a bit of frustration that creeps in an unhealthy relationship.

12. Develop a skill other than job - Unfortunately, at a certain age or point, jobs don't come easy. In such a case, developing career-oriented skills can be of help.

13. Don't discuss work or politics or religion in front of others. You will be humiliated - There's no rational explanation but when a relationship turns bitter, your intelligence, talent and opinion is ridiculed and often before others. Speak carefully in front of a group. Don't be a target of ridicule and don't explode emotionally when confronted with such a situation. Try to smile or answer rationally or ensure that he/she knows that you are ignoring the other person.

14. Let go - Don't hold on too tightly. Allow space.

1 comment:

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